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So, this is an online meet-up story. It began with some casual inbox messages, which I initiated. Later we exchanged numbers, had a typical humorous on-phone chat, and we decided to meet for drinks during the week. I showed up before she did and I was dam near about to leave out before she eventually arrived. Nonetheless she arrived looking sexy and a little thicker than those online pics, but I didn’t mention anything about it.
We grabbed a seat and her 1st convo topic is about her losing weight, which she dragged the server into. So for the 1st fifteen minutes she’s exchanging weight lost tips with the server. We now order one round of drinks, she paid for hers automatically so I just paid for mine and we started talking about happenings in DC. At some point in the convo she takes her phone out and starts making texting gestures and I called her out on it. She then explained that she’s “just looking at something”, so my nosey ass inquired. Now she scoots her chair closer my way to show me and it’s a picture of her looking slimmer and sexier in tights. Obviously the picture is old and I burst out laughing because I didn’t expect that.
Now she’s sliding through more pictures and it’s beginning to look like a weight gain timeline with less clothes on each time the picture changes. Not only were the photos getting more nude, but this woman looked like she was trying out for the thick edition of Cirque du Soleil. Pictures ranged from her hugging her knees in the mirror, to her touching the back of her ears with her toes. Then as she ends the sex slide show, she mentions a “fun fact” about her being able to reenact clapping with her ass cheeks. At this point her glass is filled with alcohol, so I’m thinking to myself; “if she’s sober, how does she act when tipsy”.
Nonetheless, I got the obvious point that she wanted to take me home so her neighbors could know my name, but that wasn’t my mindset at the time. I was more looking for a long-term relationship where as she just wanted to bang and hang. So the meet-up ended, we parted ways, one-week later she texted me a random Cirque du Soleil freaky photo but I didn’t respond. So she got the picture, and so did I (no pun intended)
I’m on an online social site and one day this chick sends me a message saying, “Hey”. I respond back and we actually start to have a cool conversation. Lets call her “the cheerleader”. A couple of days later we exchange numbers and plan to meet up for drinks and food. The next day, I get a picture message from her with a picture of a guy. Wasn’t nude or anything so I’m thinking in my head, OK maybe she sent that to the wrong person. So I ignore it to not make the situation embarrassing to her.
A few days later we finally meet up for happy hour. I go to the bar at 7pm as we planned and 20 min go by and I’m still waiting. I get a text from her and she says she’s on her way. In the mean time, the chick next to me starts flirting with me as she is waiting on her friends to show up too. She was cool, but really not my type so I kept it friendly. So, the cheerleader finally shows up around 8 and sits down in the seating area behind me and calls me to tell me she is here. OK? So I tell her, cool, I need to close my tab because I started drinking at the bar and we planned to sit down and eat too. I close my tab and look around and she’s gone? OK? I call her back. She says “oh I had to run back to the car and paint my nails”. OK? By now I’m like F it because I see plenty of nice looking women coming in. So about 10 min later she calls me back and say “Hey I have a table outside”. (I’m thinking I know this chick really didn’t just go paint her nails) But anyway, why not.
So I go outside and we hug and start to talk over drinks and food. The whole D@mn time this chick is comparing herself to the chicks who were at the bar and how much better she looks and how she used to be a cheerleader and from California and asking me if I like this and that on her. (I’m thinking in my head, aren’t you 32?) So then she starts about how handsome I am and she likes my bald head and she wants to rub it and complimenting me on my outfit. Then she asked did I get her picture. So I said, actually yes I did. I was wondering what that was about. So this chick said, Oh yea I send that to every man I meet. So I said, what is that about. She then reply’s because I only date clean cut men and if you cant match up to my ex then your not my type. (LMFAO). So then she tells me “I know your the confident type because you didn’t trip when I sent it to you. Most guys go off on me or act insecure. (By now I’m thinking “Check Please”) But you know what, this could be entertaining. Then she proceeds to show me more pictures of “ex’s” in her phone. LOL
She then starts talking about her hair and that she normally doesn’t have it natural. (I thought it was cool) So I replied Well I hate fake hair. (which I do). So she gets mad at me and say why, “nobody likes that short nappy stuff, what chick you see on TV with natural hair. You must don’t normally date black women. This is the first time I’ve worm my natural hair in years. I thought I’d try it out since its become popular.” (At this time I am literately Laughing My Ass Off) But I told her again, Ive never liked fake hair, all my life. So she then tells me I’m 1% out of 99%. I said yea well that’s my biggest turn off and I don’t date women with fake hair. This chick says “No don’t say that because I might put it back in my hair and you’ll like it” (Clearly she doesn’t foresee that we are never going on another date) So I enjoy the ditsy entertainment of this chick for a little while longer but then her phone starts blowing up while she’s ignoring it. (LOL everyone knows what that means) So she casually asks me am I ready while we are waiting for the check to come. I pay and walk her to her car.
So we get to her car and this chick does a cheer kick and jumps in my arms. WTF? I think this chick must be an escapee from some local mental institute. So then she asks “When am I gonna see you again? I just said, yea just call me.
Needless to say, I have not answered her call. But…. to put the icing on the cake, the next week I was telling my boy about this crazy chick and sent him a pic of her and he called me laughing historically telling me he met her too and she was NUTS!!!!!!!!!. LMFAO Small world.