So I was at a barbecue at my cousin’s house when a friend of hers, let’s call her Vicky, arrived with this cutie patootie baby boy who was about 6 months old. The baby was a little fussy and Vicky was having a hard time putting him to sleep. My cousin joked that since I had the biggest boobs in the bunch, I should try to put the baby to sleep. Vicky handed me the baby, I held the him against my bosom and just like that, he went to sleep. [What can I say? They’re real and they’re spectacular!]
As a joke, I posted a picture of me holding the baby on Facebook with the caption “Putting my baby to sleep #Motherhood”
I didn’t think anything of the picture because it was a joke and everyone who knows me is aware that I don’t have any children, but then I started getting DMs from this guy. He and I had gone out once and only once, but there were no sparks and, besides, he did something dumb that really annoyed me [read about it here]. We stopped communicating altogether and I had forgotten that he was even on my Facebook friends list.
Anyway, he inboxed me a bunch of questions about my relationship status and my borrowed “child”. Instead of taking the high road and telling him it wasn’t my child, I decided to play around with him for my own twisted pleasure.
Him: You have a child now?
Me: Yes, his name is Anthony
Him: Wow…when did that happen? Married? Lucky man.
Me: No, he left when he found out I was pregnant. Apparently he forgot to mention he was married.
Him: You dated him long enough to get pregnant and you didn’t know he was married???
Damn…and all that time I was trying to date you….you can believe if I would have gotten you pregnant I wouldn’t have left you I would have married you…..but that’s just me.
Me: Awww….Have a baby by me baby be a hundred-aire [Fifty Cent reference]
Him: I’d love to have you and a baby
Me: Really? My son needs a father
Him: I’m serious about being with you. I always liked you and was very attracted to you but you would never open up to me
So I was laughing hysterically to myself because I couldn’t believe he really thought that I had a child, especially since I went out with him 7 months prior and would have been massively pregnant at the time. I also felt kinda bad and a little creeped out at the same time that he had such strong feelings for me because we only went out once and never talked much after that with the exception of the time he tricked me into meeting him at his job. [See story here] He texted me here and there, but it was never consistent.
I did eventually tell him that it was all a hoax and that the baby wasn’t mine. He laughed about it, but then proceeded to profess his love for me. He continued on and on about me never opening up to him and I pointed out that there weren’t many opportunities for me to open up because we rarely talked outside of his sporadic texting [however, it’s not like I extended the olive branch either] and that I didn’t feel a connection between us. [Uh oh! I hope I didn’t block my blessing! lol]
Not The Mama
What would you do in this situation? Was she too petty? Do you think he was creepy?
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