Don't Be A Buzzkill

So have you ever gone on a date with someone that sucked the life out of the entire room? Perhaps he/she was a Debbie Downer, rubbed you the wrong way, or just killed the moment? Well, we call these people BUZZKILLS. Now I’m certain we’ve all had our very own buzzkill moments and here are some suggestions on how NOT to be a buzzkill on future dates.

Don’t bring up a bunch of sh*t that nobody cares about for the sake of having conversation
Of course, we want conversations to flow naturally, but it’s important to really THINK before we speak. So if you have some random thoughts running through your mind that you absolutely must share, ask yourself these questions:
• Does this information have any positive value?
• Will it make my date laugh?
• Will it lighten the mood?
• Will this information bring me any closer to ~~getting some~~ having a second date?

If the answer to all of the questions is NO, abort mission. I repeat, abort mission!
Dater: I was having dinner with a guy and while we were eating, he was telling me how attractive he thought I was only to follow up his compliments by sharing that I looked a lot like his sister….ummmm WTF! Gross! #Buzzkill

Don’t volunteer too much information
Yes, honesty is the best policy and, yes, you should be honest when questions are being asked, but be careful with how you frame your responses and try to refrain from volunteering unsolicited information.

Dater: I went on a date with a guy…it was our first date. We were having great conversation over dinner and drinks. Out of nowhere, he revealed that he hadn’t had sex in over a year and that his divorce was finalized the day before our date. I hadn’t even inquired about his past relationships nor his sex life. At that moment, the date became awkward. #Buzzkill
Don’t be a prick
Some of us are not as well-versed on certain topics, may not be as well-traveled, etc. and that’s fine….That’s what makes us unique, but don’t be a prick or try to downplay your date’s experiences because they differ from your own.

Dater: I was on a date with this guy and we were discussing each other’s backgrounds. He asked me where I completed my undergraduate studies and I shared that I attended XYZ small, predominately-white university. He shared that he went to the “mecca of HBCUs” and then went on to make snide remarks comparing my school/degrees to that of a community college. I found him to be rather annoying and never went out with him again. Jerk. #Buzzkill
Shut ~~the f*ck~~ up!

Conversation is great when it’s a dialogue NOT a monologue and going on a date with someone who monopolizes the conversation is a TURN OFF. If you find yourself being the only one talking, perhaps you need to ~~shut up~~ step back and evaluate if you’re really engaging the other person. Start asking questions and taking an active interest in what your date has to say instead of centering the conversation around you.

Dater: I was out with a guy and beyond the uh huh(s), wow(s), and you don’t say(s), I got about eight minutes of time to speak during our one-hour and thirty-seven minute date. This guy went on and on and on talking about everything under the sun, randomly jumping from subject to subject with no clear transitions. I held my head down after a while because I couldn’t take his nonstop drivel. He asked me if I was tired and I explained that the conversation was a bit draining. I couldn’t take it anymore. #Buzzkill

Stay Positive

Sh*t happens, life is hard…it is what it is, but keep the conversation positive. Yes, you may want to vent to your date, but proceed with caution, especially if it’s only the first few dates because a) it can make your date uncomfortable, b) your date doesn’t care enough about you to care about your problems and, c) your date might think you’re a ~~f**king~~ weirdo.
Dater: While at dinner, this guy discussed that he hated his brother and went into the painstaking details regarding the disdain and mistrust he had for his family. He found fault in everything positive that I tried to contribute to his situation. The air became very thick and uncomfortable and I didn’t have much to say after that. #Buzzkill

Don’t Date, Period

If you are an overall negative person who cannot see the light or good in any person, place, thing, or situation and you hate the sun, the moon, the stars, flowers or anything beautiful, simply don’t date…like ever.
Dater: A guy invited me out for drinks. For starters, he was late, but I didn’t sweat it and his conversation was extremely dry. He then shared that he hated dating and went on a rant about how dating was so stupid. He also hated the area that he moved to (he was a transplant) which happened to be my hometown, the people, the transit system. You name it, he hated it. Hate hate hate hate hate. His overall energy was extremely negative. #Buzzkill