Cable Guy

So it was Summer 2003 and I met this guy through a coworker because I needed someone to hook me up with bootleg cable. I called the guy, gave him my address, and we agreed on a time for him to come by later that evening. He came over at around 6 or so with his tools and, not to be mean, he kinda looked like a hamster with man boobs.

He flirted with me the entire time [I was skinny and cute back then], so I figured I’d flirt back so that he could bring down his $300 fee.

Anyway, he hooked up my cable, started looking around my place, and asked “do you have a man?” My response was “I sure don’t.” [I’m trying to get that discounted cable] He asked me out and I told him I had to study later, but offered to cook dinner since he was already at my place…He was super excited.

I texted my bestie and told her the deal so that she could rescue me from this guy.

I began cooking while his big ass sat on my couch talking a hole in my head about how he was “almost” in the NFL, but became a phone tech, had 2 kids, drove an Escalade [blah]…..I just acted interested, but I really just wanted to watch The Simple Life [It was a popular tv show back then].

He asked to use my bathroom and as soon as he walked to the back, my bestie arrived. She and I set the table for three [insert evil grin! lol] and I caught her up on all of the nonsense he was saying to me before she arrived.

This dude was in the bathroom for a while [I hope he’s not taking a sh*t] and then all of a sudden, he came around the corner NEKKID AS THE DAY HE WAS BORN!

THIS DATE IS OVER!

My bestie and I looked at each other and started to strip immediately in preparation for the impromptu threesome.

Just kidding!

We stood there in complete shock while he beelined it back to the bathroom and we laughed so hard because he was even fatter without clothes. Not to mention, I couldn’t tell what he was packing because that belly covered anything that may have been a penis.

Two beautiful shocked young women standing with opened mouths over white background

This dude stayed in my bathroom for almost 15 minutes. He eventually came out super fast apologizing, swooped up his tools and rolled out. He didn’t even get his money.

I think I saw him at the grocery store a few years later, but I’m not sure. I do know my ass pays regular price for cable now though….
I have friends who are utility workers who have told stories of porn-like work experiences, but that was NOT at all the case for me! Ole fat hamster! lol

Sincerely,

No More Hook Ups