Divorced His Child

So I met this guy online and we went from chatting to eventually speaking on the phone. I learned he was ex-military [yay!], had a great job [double yay!], and a father of three [bummer! 😢].

Anyway, the conversation was cool at first, but then it quickly became uncomfortable for me as he went on a diatribe about his first born. She was about 13 or 14 years-old and he spoke about her as if she was some bitch on the street. He said that over the past two years, she has become a terrible child, feeling/smelling herself, and being disrespectful [you know….the kinda things that a lot of teenagers do! Smh]. There was some incident that took place where the police were involved [I can’t remember the whole story], but he ended up being arrested for trying to discipline her. [Yikes!] He then went on to say that the last straw was on Father’s Day when she posted a picture of her step-father on her social media page with a caption to the effect of “the only real father that I know/have”. [OUCH!!! That had to hurt!]

Clearly, her comment cut him to the core and rightfully so, but at the same she’s a child and HE’S an adult [on paper because clearly he’s not acting like one in my opinion]. I let him continue with his tirade and eventually interjected that I couldn’t date someone who was not involved in their children’s lives.  He pointed out that he was involved with two out of three, so it’s not that bad and that he wasn’t going to ruin his career or disrupt the lives of his other two children because of one bad seed. I’m not a parent, so I really have no idea what that all entails; however as the product of a single parent household, I can understand how his daughter may have felt. None of his three children lived with him and they had different mothers. His oldest daughter, the “problem child”,  was born when he was a teenager , so I can only imagine the missteps that he and his daughter’s mother made as teen parents.

I shared with him that she’s probably hurting and that he needed to make amends in addition to exhausting all efforts to get her the help that she needs. His daughter was primarily raised by the mother, so I felt that he needed to understand where she was coming from with him not always being there as a parent. This guy was having NONE of what I had to say and was completely fine with washing his hands of the situation with his daughter. He reiterated that he was too far along in his career to allow his daughter to jeopardize that and that he was going to move on with his life without her. [Father of the year here…insert blank stare.]

This Date Is Over

I cut off communication and never went out with the guy for obvious reasons. Now things could very well be horrible for him with his daughter and since I’m not a parent, I realize that I may not understand the ins and outs of parenthood, but I cannot fathom dating someone who hates their own flesh and blood….a life that he created. Besides, things were only bad for two years. Don’t the other eleven or twelve years of her being a good child count for something? *Shrugs*

 

Sincerely,
I can’t date you

 

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What would you have done in this situation? Would you have been more understanding of his situation? Could you cut one of your children completely out of your life? Would you choose your career over your “problem” child?

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