So I was getting ready to meet one of my girlfriends at open mic night when a guy that I had been talking to off and on, let’s call him Chips, gave me a call. I told him I was getting dressed for the event and he asked if he could tag along. [Sure…no big deal.]
We apparently arrived a little too early as the club wasn’t open [because they were on CP time smh], so we decided to go to the bar next door to kill some time. Since I stopped drinking alcohol during the week [some health kick that I made up for myself that kinda actually didn’t work at all lol], I was sipping on that good ole H2o while Chips indulged in a long island iced tea or three.
By the time Chips closed out his tab, the club had finally opened and we met up with my girlfriend Denise to watch the show. We were having a pretty good time, but after about an hour or so, my stomach started cursing me the hell out [i.e. I was hungry] which meant it was time to GO [Not now, but RIGHT NOW!].
I was giving my girlfriend Denise a hug goodbye because Chips and I were going to go down the street to grab some food, when out of nowhere I felt a hand squeezing my ass butt. This wasn’t a regular booty grab. It was one of those grabs you get in the heat of the moment during some wild, passionate, kinky sex [so I’ve heard *wink wink* lol] or a grab that a stripper gets after she’s been twerking it for some change. I quickly grabbed said mystery hand and gripped it with the jaws of life. When I turned around to see who was the culprit of this major violation, it was, of course, Mr. Chips and I was PISSED. I told him “Don’t you ever f***** touch me like that again unless I invite you to do so.” [Ummmmm my man. We’re cool, but we ain’t that cool.] I was rather perturbed but tried to maintain my cool because I was hungry and focused on filling my belly. [My stomach has a mind of its own when I’m hungry lol.]
Fast forward to the restaurant….
Chips and I were eating at a spot a couple of blocks away from the bar and as I was people watching, I saw something move out of the side of my eye: it was my plate. [OH HELL NO! YOU GOT ME F***** UP!] Mr. Chips decided to help himself to my food and I. LOST. IT. My attitude went from bad to worse in an instant.
Me: (Snatches plate back) “What the hell is your problem?”
Him: “I just wanted some of your chips”
Me: “I don’t give a damn what you wanted. What’s wrong with the food on your plate? You don’t just grab my food like it’s yours! If you wanted some, you should have asked! You have lost your damn mind! You want some chips? Here!” (throws chips at him)
Him: “Alright alright, my bad. If you had a fork, you would’ve stabbed me huh?”
Me: “Hell yeah! It’s not a game…I don’t play when it comes to my food. You don’t know me like that. The next time you want something, just ASK.”
At this point, I was beyond agitated and tried to hurry up and finish my food so that I could get the hell away from this dude. Once I finally finished eating, I pushed my plate of scraps scraps — which consisted of broken potato chips, 1/8 teaspoon of veggie chili, and a morsel of bread — to Chips’ side of the table. Would you believe that this fool scooped up ALL of my scraps with a spoon, smiled at the food, and ate it? There was absolutely NOTHING left on the plate….NOTHING. Smh. I was too through.
As we prepared to go our separate ways [GOOD RIDDANCE!], Chips said to me “You should invite me over to your place sometime.” I gave this man the blankest of stares and walked away. [Boy BYE!]
This date is OVER!
Signed,
I’m mad that I was more angry about this dude grabbing my plate than my butt smh
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