So I was leaving a friend’s party and got a call from a guy that I had met previously online. Fortunately, he was literally 3 blocks away at a local bar, so I decided to meet up with him before heading home.
I walked inside the bar and G** DAMN this dude was all kinds of delicious. He was 6’4, 1,000,000% muscle, nice juicy lips, caramel complexion, he dressed nicely AND he smelled good [I’M WEAK!]. We began to chat over a couple of drinks and he started to tell me about his background and how he was proud to be African so much so that he decided to play his own little “I can tell who’s African” game by pointing out who he thought was African at the bar. [SMH! Ok buddy! I get it. You’re African. OK!]
We decided to leave and go to another bar because it was getting a little too loud and too crowded. Before leaving, Mr. Africa squeezed in between me (I was seated) and some random patron (who was standing at the bar) to close his tab. He had perplexed look on his face and started to complain to me saying:
Him: Why the F*** is this dude standing so close to me!!?? Can’t he see that I’m trying to pay my tab?
Me: Actually, he was already standing there.
Him: Well he could’ve moved over.
Me: It’s really not that serious and besides you invaded his space and didn’t even excuse yourself.
I should’ve ended the date at that moment, but I decided to let it slide.
As we were leaving bar 1, we ran into my friend Abiola and of course Mr. Africa became UBER excited and said to Abiola “OHHHHHH I know you’re African” and began to talk her ear off about being African and blah blah blah. Abby was not the least bit impressed and gave him the shut-f***-up pat on the back to end the conversation and then looked at me like “what the hell is wrong with this dude?” All I could do was shake my head.
Mr. Africa and I were on our way to bar number two, but since it was cold as all hell outside and he didn’t want to go through the hassle of moving his car to look for another parking space, he decided that it would be best for us to take a cab [fine with me!]. We hopped in the cab and guess what? The cab driver was AFRICAN! [Go figure! FMyLIFE] This dude decided to talk the cab driver’s ear off about being African and the cab driver, like my friend Abby, was also not the least bit impressed. Once Mr. Africa picked up on the cab driver’s vibe, he caught an instant attitude, started cursing the guy, and they began to argue. [OMG What the f*** is wrong with this dude?]
We finally arrived at bar number two and were having somewhat of a good time. Mr. Africa had to go to the bathroom, so I let him know I’d be sitting on the couch waiting for him. There was some guy already sitting on the couch and I decided to sit on the other side to wait for Mr. Africa. Mr. Africa came out of the bathroom and before I could get up, he plopped his big @$$ in the middle of the couch and then caught an immediate attitude saying:
Him: Why is this dude sitting so close to me? Can’t he see that I’m trying to talk to you.
Me: You are trippin’ like for real! He was sitting there first and you plopped down in the middle.
Him: Dude is cock-blocking!
[WTF is wrong with this guy?]
The other guy got up and walked away which seemed to put Mr. Africa at ease. He then decided to go back to discussing his African roots AGAIN for the millionth time saying “My family is kind of a big deal in Africa” and I became increasingly annoyed because I truly didn’t give a s***. He then went on to tell that I should Google him because he was an all-star gymnast while in college. [A gymnast my man? A f**** gymnast? HA HA HA HA HA!] Now I’m not trying to knock anyone for being a gymnast, but the fact that he was using that line to impress me was absolutely HILARIOUS! That made me question his sexuality [no offense to the straight male gymnasts! excuse my ignorance!] lol. I couldn’t take it any more and had had ENOUGH of this guy. [Like seriously! I don’t give 2 sh**s about your family’s status in Africa and I don’t know too many women who are into male gymnasts…I’m just saying. You have got to find a better selling point.]
Long story more boring, we left the bar and tried to hail a cab to take us back to our cars. Unfortunately, everybody else in DC seemed to need a cab that night, so I told him that we’d might as well suck it up and walk to our cars. He said that since he parked closest to the bar, that he’d drive me to my car. [Fine with me….just get me the f*** out of here!] He said he parked on 12th street and we were already on 14th, so it wasn’t a big deal to walk 2 blocks.
As we were walking to the car, I looked to my side and noticed that Mr. Africa disappeared. I turned around only to see this dude swinging from the construction pole doing gymnastics moves almost kicking the sh** out of 5 people. [OMG!] One of the guys that he almost kicked was LIVID and began cursing Mr. Africa. Mr. Africa jumps off of the pole and gets into the man’s face as if he was about to hit him. Instead of me walking running away and getting the hell out of there, my dumb @$$ screamed to Mr. Africa “JUST STOP IT ALREADY! What is your problem?” Mr. Africa then catches an attitude with me saying:
Him: Why are you taking up for that white man?
Me: Because you are acting like a damn fool. What the hell is your problem? I just want to go home and we are on 12th street, so where is your car?
Him: Ummmmm. Nah it’s not on this street. It’s on 12th.
Me: My man, this is 12th street. (points to sign) What’s the cross street?
Him: Ummmmm. Let’s just take a cab?
Me: How are we going to take a cab when you don’t know where you parked?
Long story even more boring, this fool hailed a cab and asked the cab driver to take him to Arlington, Virginia!!!! The cab driver said “Hell no I’m not going to no damn Arlington” and sped off! [iDied] Mr. Africa looked at me with a stuck face and I said:
Me: Dude where did you park?
Him: Why are you yelling at me? I can’t take all of this yelling!
Me: Dude I’m not even yelling at you. You know what, you are f*cking crazy and it’s too cold for this sh*t. I’m gone. [Deuces!!!]
Finally, this date is OVER!
Why the hell it took me so effin long to end this date is beyond me. What the hell was I thinking? People, when the first sign of crazy appears, LEAVE!
This dude called AND texted me at least 20 times in a row that night telling me “Patience is a virtue”. Lol! IGNORED! He also called and texted me the next day to apologize stating that he was too drunk and that’s why he was walking in circles, but I didn’t want to have anything else to do with that nut job.
AND [Yes, there’s more!] this fool re-introduced himself to me about two weeks later on the same online dating site as if we hadn’t already met. LOL
Why do I attract the crazies?
Sincerely,
Learn From My Mistake
Have any words of wisdom, crazy or unique dating stories to share? Post them to http://www.thisdateisover.com.
Like us on FACEBOOK and Follow us on TWITTER. JOIN OUR FACEBOOK DISCUSSION GROUP
Tune in to our radio show on Sunday nights….10pm ET on http://www.rocktheflow.com…This Date Is Over Radio!
Images provided by FreeDigitalPhotos.net (unless noted otherwise)
You must log in to post a comment.