My Rhymes

So I had just moved into a new neighborhood and met this guy while I was out one day doing a little shopping. I was excited to meet him because I didn’t really know anyone on that side of town and of course it was a bonus that he was cool, laid back, and quite handsome.

Anyway, we went out to dinner a few times and talked on the phone often. On this one particular evening, I was on my way home from an event and my new friend invited me to stop by his apartment. I had never been to his place before since he always picked me up for our dates, but I knew that he lived close by (about 15 minutes away) based on our previous conversations.

Unbeknownst to me, this dude lived in the HOOD!!! As I was driving, the homes appeared to be more and more dilapidated the closer I got to his apartment….It was like night and day in comparison to my neighborhood. Being young and naive, I didn’t turn around and go home. Instead, my dumb @$$ continued to drive to this dude’s place. [SMH]

I finally arrived and he met me outside so that he could walk me in. I figured he probably lived in a not so nice neighborhood because it was cost effective. So in my mind, I rationalized that he was keeping his rent low in order to save money or splurge on other things like a nice car, clothes, and furniture perhaps. WRONG!!!! When I walked into his place this guy had NO FURNITURE! Not a couch, not a chair, not a coffee table, not a stool, not even a bean bag chair. There was absolutely no where for me to sit and to make matters worse, this dude decided to take me on a “tour” of his place. [Are you F***** kidding me?]. The tour consisted of a living room with a television against the wall, an empty kitchen and a bedroom with a double-decker, queen sized air mattress with a sad little blanket on top of it [I didn’t even know that this sort of air mattress existed].

So after the tour of the ghetto estates, we went back into the living room and stood in place because there was no where for us to sit. I was shocked because I could not believe that this dude invited me over to his place with it looking like that. I know what you are thinking and NO he didn’t just move in. He had been living there for at least 3-6 months so there’s no excuse for that.

Anyway, him being the gentleman that he was [please notice my sarcasm], he went to get me a towel to sit on. As I stood in his living room waiting for Mr. No Furniture to return, I noticed that there were stacks and stacks of papers that surrounded the perimeter of the room. I asked him what the papers were and he said “my rhymes”. [You cannot be serious! Am I being punked? Am I on Candid Camera? Dude is a rapper? MC No Furniture? I can’t! ] And as if the night could not get any worse, this fool tried to kiss me. [Really my dude? You’re going to invite me to your raggedy a$$, furniture-less place with no where for me to sit, but your rhymes and then try to make out with me? GTFOH!]

THIS DATE IS OVER!!!!

MC No Furniture called a few days later and I tried to play nice, but I just couldn’t disguise my sheer disappointment and questioned why he was living like that. As far as I could recall from our previous conversations, he had a good job and I also remembered him picking me up in a pretty decent car. So I couldn’t understand why his home didn’t seem to match….That’s when he dropped a bombshell on me and said that he was…WAIT FOR IT….a drug dealer and had been in the drug game for quite some time (years). [OMMFG! Someone please make it stop!!!!!!]

I laughed so hard at this guy that I almost peed my pants. I said “A drug dealer!!!!!!! A drug dealer? How are you a drug dealer and you have nothing to show for it? What are you doing with your money? Clearly you need to re-evaluate your profession.” Now I’m not into bad boys, drug dealers, or anyone of the like (nor do I condone this sort of lifestyle), but come on now! How are you a broke drug dealer when, by your own admission, you’ve been in the game for several years? That ish doesn’t match. Nicky Barnes and Frank Lucas would be so disappointed in you! Lol

Sincerely,

I’m Bout That Furniture Life


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