So this guy I met a few days prior asked me to meet him at the bar for happy hour. We ate, drank, and were quite merry enjoying each other’s company. I learned that it was his birthday, so I told some of the restaurant staff to sing him happy birthday….they did! [Am I the only one who thinks it’s kind of odd that our first date was on his birthday?]
Anyway, the check came and he immediately paid the tab. [Was I supposed to have paid for everything? I mean, it was his birthday and all, but then again he asked me out so I’m not sure. My bad dude! You grabbed the bill so fast!]
We walked outside and prepared to say our goodbyes. Then, he leaned in for a kiss and I obliged. I mean I did find him very attractive and besides, it was his birthday so how could I say no, especially since he picked up the tab?
His lips were very soft so I was enjoying the moment until I felt his hands getting a little too personal. So I pulled away from him and removed his hands. [We just met. We can’t do that yet!] I was trying to end the date, but he felt the need to spark up a new conversation and what was the conversation about? Sex of course.
As we were standing in the parking lot, he began to discuss how kissing was very personal to him…more personal than sex and that it would be ok for us to have sex because we wouldn’t have to take it personally. [I’m sorry what? B**** PLEASE! I’ll pass on that.]
THIS DATE IS OVER!
His bullsh*t sex talk was my cue to go home and as I was bidding this dude farewell, he hopped in his car and said “I’m coming home with you.” I gave the blankest of stares and started my journey home; however, I quickly noticed that the car behind me was following me. Who was it? Mr. Let’s have impersonal sex. [YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! What the f*** are you doing man?] This dude was actually following me and I could not believe it.
My anger and disgust clouded my judgment because I should’ve called the police. Instead, I sped off, made an abrupt turn, drove like a bat out of hell into the neighborhood losing him for good. Who tries to follow their date home uninvited though? Weird.
Sincerely,
Eff You and Your Birthday
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