The Spitter

So I reconnected with a woman I met previously at a non-profit event via social media [Thank God for Facebook…Well in this case, I believe Satan was involved with this woman]. We began talking on the phone and, since everything seemed fine, I invited her on a museum date.

Now I’m all for jokes and I absolutely love to laugh, but I know better than to be loud and obnoxious in a museum. This woman, let’s call her The Spitter, was so loud and ignorant in the museum [think loud speaker announcements in grade school] making all types of inappropriate jokes and comments. Needless to say, I was happy when we reached the end of the exhibit and exited the museum.

I was ready to take The Spitter home, but I sucked it up and took her to the food court in a nearby mall because she said she was hungry. I didn’t think The Spitter was worth anything more than Chick-Fil-A, so that’s what she got.

On our way out, she wanted to stop in a shoe store and I obliged. As I was perusing the men’s shoes, The Spitter came over to me and asked me to buy her a pair of shoes. When I said “no”, she threw a damn TEMPER TANTRUM. I’m talking “bad ass toddler you see in the street and wanna take your belt off to beat” type of tantrum.

THIS DATE IS OVER!!!!

I immediately left the store and The Spitter followed.  I started to make her catch a cab [Uber wasn’t around yet; otherwise, I would’ve gotten one for her], but my mom raised a gentleman, so I decided to just take her home.

On the drive home, we were listening to some hip hop and I said I liked lyrics with substance, but she disagreed which was fine until she started calling me out my name. I pulled over on the highway and told her if she didn’t stop, I would put her out of my car…she remained quiet until we got near her house. Then she yelled “I’ll get out here” and I pulled over.

As she got out, she spit [yes, SPIT] into the car in my direction, slammed the door, and walked off. Fortunately for her, no spit got on me and somehow landed outside of the driver’s side of my car because the window was down. It literally took EVERYTHING in me not to hurt her. I pulled off and began calling female acquaintances to clear my mind, but ended up having to calm them down because they wanted to kill her.

The Spitter lives and I hope she never spit at anyone else again.

 

Sincerely,

The Black Focker

 

What would you do in this situation? Has a date ever spat on you? Would you have taken her home or left her to fend for herself?

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