Stankonia

So I met this guy named Bo at a barbecue and the attraction was instant.  The chemistry between us was great; however, there was one HUGE problem: He wasn’t quite divorced…He was going through the process, but had a few months to go. [F*ck my life!]

I made him aware of the reservations with dealing with someone in his situation and told him there would be no sexual relations between us whatsoever until his stuff was formally settled.  The plan was to cut him off because I didn’t want to end up in the middle of any type of drama or for our emotions to get the best of us, but he was persistent, so I obliged since it was only going to be temporary on my end.

We went to the mall, had lunch, dinner, etc. and he came to my home on occasion.  I was comfortable around him and appreciated the fact that he respected my wishes to not have sex. He never tried to pressure me like a lot of guys tend to do, so all was cool.  Of course, he could’ve been getting some from someone else, but I didn’t care. [Not my problem! I’ll get the dates while she gets the married d***!]

Well, we were chilling in my living room one night watching movies and he motioned for me to move closer to him on the couch so that he could hold me in his arms.  As I moved to his side of the couch, I noticed there was a faint, but unusual odor in the air.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I brushed it off thinking it was probably something coming from outside.  

As the movie continued, I went to change into some sweats to get more comfortable and Bo asked to take off his pants (he had on basketball shorts underneath) and that’s when I began to feel a HUGE sense of regret.  Not because I was horny or caught a glimpse of his penis….NOPE. It was because BO STANK! [Lord have mercy! This can’t be real!]

This Date Is OVER!

HE was the source of the smell that initially permeated my nostrils and the funk was on 1,000 once he took off his pants. He smelled like stewed garbage on sweltering hot day. [Jesus Christ! This must be why he’s getting a divorce. N***a don’t you smell that?]  I have never smelled anything like that before. It was just awful. I couldn’t even think straight and IMMEDIATELY moved to the other side of the couch waiting for the movie to finish. [Damn, I hope his stench doesn’t linger on my couch or I’ll have to burn it.]

The movie ended [Hallelujah! Praise him! He might not come when you need Him, but….] and that was a WRAP for me. We talked maybe once or twice afterwards, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that he stank. I was going to cut him off anyway and this helped to expedite things. [Ain’t that some sh*t? I didn’t cut him off knowing that he was technically married, but his body odor sealed the deal. LOL] 

During our last call, Bo revealed that his feelings for me were growing and that he didn’t know how much longer he could fight his sexual urges. [Man F**k you and your funky ass feelings!] I told him that I was standing firm on my decision to not have sex until his divorce was final, but in reality, there was really no way in hell I was ever going to sleep with him even after the divorce unless he douched, bleached his genitals, or bought a new set of odor free balls.  Fortunately for me, he disappeared and I never had to encounter his garbage balls again. I wish him the best and some Dove soap!

Sincerely,

Unfresh and unclean

 

How would you have handled this situation? Would you have continued to get to know him even though he wasn’t divorced? Would you go on any dates with him? Would you tell him about his body odor?

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