- So I was on my way to a brunch date with a guy that I met a few days prior, but when I was headed to the restaurant, my car wouldn’t start. Of course, this was completely unexpected and I was upset because I didn’t want to cancel the date. I also didn’t want to inconvenience my date and have him drive to my home because it would have been out of the way. I called him to let him know that I was having car trouble and asked if he wanted to reschedule or if he could hold off for another hour because I was waiting for roadside assistance to arrive. He decided to wait [Thank God!] and I met him at the restaurant an hour later.
We were seated rather quickly [YAY!] and when we were in the middle of small talk (about 10 minutes later), our food arrived [Double YAY!]. It became rather apparent that this guy was extremely hungry because he turned into a damn animal when his food came. On top of him hovering over his plate like someone was going to steal his food, this guy was chewing loudly with his mouth open [I CAN’T!!!!].
I had not one single, solitary iota of patience for that whatsoever and gave him the look of death [I scorched the sh** out of him with my retina] along with the obnoxious “AHEM AHEM” cough to get this beast to snap out of it.
Him: Oh oh hey.
Me: I can hear that you are very hungry. I feel like I’m at the table with my nephews right now.
Him: Yeah, I like to eat. My bad sweetheart.
Me: Clearly. Is there any way possible that you can eat with your mouth closed?
Him: Sure sweetheart. My bad.
I decided the best thing to do would be to continue the conversation to distract Sir Chomps-A-Lot from scarfing down his food. I asked him where he did his undergraduate studies and he mentioned that he went to FAMU.
Him: Yeah I went to FAMU
Me: Oh really? My brother went to FAMU.
Him: Oh yeah? I graduated in 99. When did your brother finish?
Me: He finished in 97.
Him: I might know him. What’s his name?
Me: Daryl Longwood
Him: Hold up!!! D. Longwood is your brother??? Are you serious? D. Longwood? Wow! Your brother’s a cool guy. We used to hang together at the quad.
Me: Yep, that’s my brother.
Sir Chomps-A-Lot was all smiles, practically glowing, once he learned who my brother was to the point that it became incredibly awkward. I asked my date if there was something I should know about or if anything happened between the two of them like some sort of college beef or massive orgies with college girls and he said no.
I thought that was going to be the end of the whole “you’re D. Longwood’s little sister” conversation, but, no, this dude could not let it go. In the middle of brunch and me trying to change the subject, he pulled out his cell phone and called about 5 people saying “Ay yo! You will not believe who I’m on a date with….Daryl Longwood’s little sister!!!” [What the f*** man?]
THIS DATE IS OVER!
I was done at that point because the focus completely shifted to my brother from the random phone calls that he placed to his friends, to the never-ending questions about him: “What’s your brother up to? How has he been? Where does he work? What does he do? Where does he live?”
How are you going to be a groupie for my brother and not me, your date? That’s f*****g creepy, especially when I look way better in heels than he does. I had on my get ’em girl dress with my good pushup bra and all of that went unnoticed. [SMH!!!]
Ah well. The food was good at least. *shrugs*
Sincerely,
Next time ask my brother out
(Names were changed for the purpose of this post.)
What would you have done in this situation? Would his behavior have creeped you out? Did she overreact?
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