Nowadays, that is a long time to be with the same person. You don’t find too many couples who have survived adolescence, early adulthood, college, unplanned pregnancies, financial woes and a slew of other “make or break” factors that arise in a young relationship, but I’m proud to say that we have!
We have survived adolescence, raging hormones, not having transportation to and from a “date”, being caught by a parent or a law enforcement officer (yes we were caught by Anne Arundel County police and his mother LOL) during one of those raging hormone situations (I’m still embarrassed to this day).
We have survived being apart for a long period of time, not having any money of our own and always depending on our parents. We have survived college years, envious people, insecurities, unplanned pregnancy, life altering decisions, life and death.
Through all the things that my husband and I have been through, we have never once broken up. Not once! It was never a thought, at least in my mind. When we started our relationship, I knew that I was going to marry him. Not sure if he knew he wanted to marry me, but I knew and I wasnt going anywhere. I was in it for the long run!
People always ask what our secret is to being together for such a long time and seemingly happy. Just for the record, we are happy, very happy. I love him and he loves me. There is not a day that goes by that either one of us questions our love for or from one another. I really don’t think there is a “secret” so to speak. I think its common sense. Just like anything, you have to work at it.
Put time and effort into your relationship.
Fight (not literally) for what you want. Fight to keep what you have.
God of course is key to any relationship. There has to be the love of God somewhere in the relationship. Without it, there is no foundation.
There is Love. You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else or even allow anyone else to love you back. (This took me sometime) I think you have to have a partner that is ride or die, committed and willing to be there through thick and thin, ups and downs, rich or poor….all of that!
In a relationship, you have to have fun and laugh and not take things too seriously (this took me a while too lol). Sure there are fights, disagreements and tears, but what relationship doesnt have that?
People on the outside used to always ask me if we ever fought over anything and yes, back then before marriage, we disagreed, not often, but we did. Now since marriage, adulthood and children, we argue a little more, but you know what? It happens. At the end of the day I love my husband and he loves me. He comes to bed every night and is there in the morning…I can’t complain.
How you handle the situation at hand affects your relationship. After all this time with the same man, you learn how to pick your battles and how to get over disagreements quickly. Our relationship has grown tremendously since high school, since college, since kid #1, since getting married, since kid #2. Who am I kidding? Our relationship has grown since last month (I’d like to thank 50 Shades of Grey trilogy for that LOL). We’ve grown and will continue to grow.
Communication is KEY. You have to talk to your partner. I think with communication comes honesty. How is the other person supposed to know they did something wrong, or right if no one has said anything? You can’t grow in a relationship if there is no foundation to stand on. Brandon and I talk about everything. He knows me better than I know my damn self and I know him better than he knows himself (although he wont admit it).
Of course there is trust. You have to trust your partner from day one until they give you a reason not to. If that trust is broken, then there needs to be some type of communication between the couple because obviously the other person missed the memo about trust! Talk about it.
Be honest. Love. Have fun. Enjoy life. Understand that things may or may not go your way. Its life and it is what it is.
Anyone who knows me and Brandon, knows how much we love each other. It’s humbling to know that close family and friends are looking for what we’ve had since 1996. People are envious and it makes me proud that I have a wonderful, successful relationship, marriage and husband. 🙂
Sincerely,
Tori Holland
Thanks Tori for sharing your story with ThisDateIsOVER! May your relationship/marriage continue to blossom and be a blessing as well as a beacon of hope to others searching for love. Real love does EXIST!
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