So the only thing I learned that night was that maybe I should have stayed at home…
In a way I am glad this date happened, because it was in the midst of mainly men tripping about my first post stating that a first date could cost $200. Even though that was not what it was about at all, most men (broke, insecure, not ready to date yet) saw only that part. Well I had a date last night that proved that women usually aren’t the one tallying the tab, but men are.
The guy here, I’ve been patient with for a couple of months now. Only because he is an implant from Chicago and I know how it felt to be in a new place and not knowing anyone. I went on a previous gym date with him once. It was what it was. I could have ended the possibility of dating there and just friend zoned him, but he was consistent. It was an empty level of consistency though.
Empty level of consistency, what is that? Well, it’s when you’re always bothering someone with no goal. I kept getting the, “I never see you.” “Why haven’t I seen you since the gym?” “I want to see you.” But never any plan to make any of that happen. Listen, I don’t always need a man to come up with an entire date, but we can work together. You can start off with, “Hey, are you free Friday? I would like to go out with you.” Then together we can decide what to do. But no, that’s not what this John Doe was about. [We discussed this on the “Take the wheel” broadcast of This Date Is Over Radio….Listen HERE!]
Anywho…so Thursday he hit me up, probably after a month of giving up on me. Well once again he’s complaining how he never sees me and how I don’t want him to touch me (I don’t) and blah blah blah. I don’t understand why he hasn’t realized I am not the one for him. So I decide to go out with him one more time so that maybe he could realize it himself. So I ask him is he free for happy hour the next day. “Happy hour?” you may ask…it has an end time where I can end the date and head home. He agrees.
Friday comes, first mistake is he wants me to drive to the suburbs in rush hour from DC to attend a happy hour out there. I live in DC, he works in DC…why would I drive 45 minutes out of the way of all the happy hours and then drive back after drinking? So I realize here that he can’t think well. He finally agrees to do happy hour in DC.
So, he gets to my place. I was not ready yet, but I did not want him in my apartment. So I buzzed him into the lobby and told him I would be down there shortly. When I got downstairs, he tried to hit me with the he has to use the bathroom so could he go upstairs to my apartment. I hit him with the, “You don’t even have to go to my apartment because luckily the lobby has a bathroom, let me show you.” I summon an Uber, and we continue to wait in my lobby. He goes and grabs a brochure for my apartment complex and starts to tell me how he wants to move from where he is. He then sees the price of my complex and goes, “Shit this is expensive, how do you afford it?!” I looked at him like seriously, and responded with, “I work. ” I start to feel uncomfortable at this point because I do not feel money, or lack of, should be spoken about at this point.
Thankfully the Uber gets there quickly. He was confused as to what an Uber was and why we were driving in a regular car instead of a cab. :::sad face:::: I explained it to him, and he was intrigued. He then starts a conversation with the driver in regards to how to become an Uber driver. I can appreciate the hustle…but do that on your own time. We get to our destination and we get out the cab, he looks at me and goes, “You’re not going to pay him?!” I kindly explained to him that Uber deducts it automatically from my card so no worries. But the fact that he was going to let us walk away, and him not even attempt to pay had me looking at him sideways.
We get into the hookah lounge and the waitress asks for our drinks. I order a Pinot Grigio of course…this man orders a water. So when the waiter left, I asked was he just hydrating before he drinks, because that’s smart and all. He goes, “Nah, I’m detoxing from liquor because of my crazy weekend in Miami last week.” I frown, “You do realize we are at a happy hour right? People go to happy hours to drink…you know this right?” He just laughs…I don’t.
The waitress comes back with my drink, and then she asks for a card to put on tab before we order hookah. He just sits there, sipping his water, disregarding her request. So I gave her my card. He then proceeds to look at the hookah menu and asks me to choose a flavor and then we will mix it with his mystery flavor. I told him no, because “I am not mixing two flavors that will be disgusting, so just tell me”. I asked him does he smoke hookah, because mixing two mystery flavors is not what you do. He insists he does, and then pulls a hookah pen out his pocket and starts to smoke it. [SIR! PUT THAT AWAY, YOU CAN NOT SMOKE A HOOKAH PEN IN A HOOKAH LOUNGE!] Omg…I can’t.
Our conversation consisted of him telling me about how he is being raped in rent, he’s trying to scrape pennies to save up for a security deposit and first month’s rent so he could move somewhere else, how he does not really listen to music unless he is in a club. He also would update me on how crazy his GroupMe conversations were, that he was having during our date. I just kept sipping my wine…fast.
I still felt awkward that I was the only one drinking during a happy hour, so I asked him would he like an appetizer. Just to put something on the table. He responds, “Nah, I had a big lunch so I’m still full.” :::side eye::: [Sir, you are 6’4 and about 240lbs, I KNOW YOU ARE HUNGRY!!! Your meal at noon does not suffice all the way to 6:30pm!!] Once again I reminded him that we are at a happy hour, that he agreed to. He says he’s cool so I let him be.
Finally happy hour is over. First time I crack a smile all night. I tell him I’m ready to go, so he then takes it upon himself to whistle at our waitress. When she did not respond to that (smart lady) he then yells in his deep voice for her. I was so embarrasses and apologized to her when she came to us. When she came back with the check, she lets me know that she did not charge my card and looks at him. In her mind, as well as mine, he was going to take responsibility of the tab. But once again, he sat next to me sipping his water. So I grab the tab to see the bill, and he peeks over my shoulder and goes, “Its only $18! Nice!” THEN he reaches for his wallet. Wow. I tell the waitress to just charge my card. He goes, “Are you sure? Well, let me grab a couple dollars for you.” [No sir, you keep your couple of dollars, I got this.] He then hugs me and says out loud, “You must be heaven sent to me! No woman ever gets the tab!” At this point people are looking at us, and I am over it. He states he feels “almost” bad for having me pay the tab while I’m signing the check. I tell him he could leave the tip. He pulls out a $5 bill, slams it on the table and goes, “I’m about to make her night with that!”. [Sir, its only $5. That’s what we should be giving her. She can’t even get a McDonald’s value meal with that, I am sure you are not making her night. But if that boosts your ego, then go ahead and believe that.]
I pull my phone out to summon the Uber again. He stops me and says that he saw a yellow line metro on the way to the lounge and that could take him home. He then asks me to walk him to the Metro. Well, I sprained my ankle 3 weeks ago and have still been suffering and he knows this. But he insists I walk him to the metro, and then I could call my cab from there.
The metro was not close. Not close at all. We walked for 10-15 mins. When we got to the metro, he hugged me and thanked me for the hookah and then proceeded down the escalator. He had no intention to see if I grabbed my cab safely. I realized we had walked enough to be halfway to my place. I attempted to catch a cab twice unsuccessfully so I decided to walk home. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I walked home from a date with a broken ankle.
THIS DATE IS OVER!
I enjoyed the walk because it gave me time to think about what the hell just happened.
Listen, I am not bougie. I have my own. I never expect a man to make it rain on me. You do not have the be the most chivalrous man to be with me. But let me be the one to say no to your advances. This man should never let me walk off in the dark alone without knowing I had a safe way home. At least ask do I want you to wait for the cab with me. Pull your wallet out and let me tell you no, I got this. Most importantly, if you do not have it, then do not ask me on a date. I was clearly not the one tallying the bill, he was. I sure he was hungry and thirsty for some whiskey…but he clearly could not afford for two. OMG! Just stay in the house! Dates are about enjoying each other…not tallying what you have and what you don’t have. If that is the case, then you tell me what we are doing and then you are in control of what is being spent and being done.
DO NOT GO TO A HAPPY HOUR AND NOT DRINK!
Sincerely,
I’m done…
Originally posted at Fit2Date
How would you have handled the situation? Would you have bothered to go out with him at all? What’s with guys who don’t have a plan for a date?
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