His Son’s Mom

So I met this guy at a friend’s party and we hit it off. He was a gawjus [gorgeous] chocolate man…nice body, dressed well, smelled good, and he was funny. [Lord knows I love me a funny man!]  He asked me for my number and we kept in touch after the party.

Since I had a habit of going on dates with limited pre-discussions [i.e. not enough pre-date screening], I wanted to take the time to converse with this guy to learn a little bit more about him before going out.

I really enjoyed our chats because, as I mentioned before, he was funny and our conversations flowed with ease. He happily discussed his family’s roots, his upbringing, career, etc., but his demeanor COMPLETELY changed when he discussed children and, more specifically, the mother of his child. I learned that he had a young son by a woman that he absolutely, positively HATED. I mean he spoke of this woman as if she was the spawn of satan.

Although my mind was set on not taking this guy seriously after hearing him spew so much hatred, I allowed him to continue to vent about his son’s mom and here’s what he shared:

1. Although she had feelings for him, he didn’t see a future with his son’s mom [let’s call her SM] when they were dating, but carried on a sexual relationship with her.
2. While he was dating SM, he met someone else that he really liked and broke things off with SM, but told SM that they could still kick it [have sex].
3. He and SM continued to “kick it” after he told her he had someone new in his life.
4. SM “trapped” him and tried to win him back after he had a new girlfriend by giving him some luxury gifts [expensive watch or some other bullsh**].  He accepted the gifts and kicked it with SM one more time.
5. He never used condoms while sleeping with SM because she was supposedly on the pill and the night that he went to pick up his gifts, is the night that his son was conceived.
6. SM ruined his relationship with the new girlfriend by telling her about them sleeping together.
7. SM is “nasty” because she let a bunch of dudes *** in her has a bunch of children by different men. [He’s the second or third in the lineup of guys to impregnate SM.]
8. She makes things difficult for him when he tries to see his son.
9. She’s a disgusting human being.

THIS DATE IS OVER!

I don’t know how other people operate, but it’s a huge red flag for me to hear a potential love interest speak very negatively of the other parent of their child(ren), especially without taking responsibility for their role in the situation. If he could speak like that to me, a somewhat stranger, I could only imagine the kind of things he says in front of his child. I get that sh*t happens and co-parenting can be challenging. I’m also not naive to the fact that there are a LOT of bad parents in this world and SM probably makes things difficult for him, but this dude had so much hatred in his heart for this woman and that made me very uncomfortable, especially when he helped to create the problem. On top of being turned off by his hatred, I found his sob story reasoning to be kind of foolish…I had zero sympathy for him and a bunch of questions crossed my mind [that I wanted to ask, but didn’t bother to do so].

 

How can you part your lips to say that the mother of your child is “nasty” when you weren’t the first dude to get her pregnant? She already had a child or two when you met.

Didn’t you know this chick was fertile?

Why would you accept lavish gifts and “kick it” with SM after you began a relationship with someone else?

Why would you sleep with SM raw when you were in a relationship with someone else? He tried to get a nut and he got a nut! [Jay-Z reference…..although I’m not sure if he meant it in that context lol]

How isn’t any of this your fault?

Lastly, why are you telling me all of this?

Sincerely,

TMI

 

How would you have handled this situation? Would that scare you off? Is this a red flag to you? Would you continue to get to know him? Would you go on any dates with him? Was she too judgmental?

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