So I was at a homeboy’s party at a restaurant and saw a chick that was giving me the eye. I was thinking to myself that “I can smash that” I’d like to get to know her. So I waited it out until we went to the after party where we coincidentally ended up right next to each other. So, we begin to talk and the conversation was rather humorous…perhaps because I was tipsy, but nonetheless we exchanged numbers (especially since the girl I really wanted to talk to had a boyfriend).
At the end of the night, I found out that she needed a ride home (SCORE!!!) and me being the freak gentleman that I am, I wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to get some to get to know her. I go outside to see if she’s ready and the chick is smoking a cigarette (YUCK!) and I can’t stand a chick who smokes, but my brain down low started saying “man you can take this one for the team”. Unfortunately, nothing happened that night, but we made plans to hang out again in a couple of weeks.
A couple of days later I get a text stating gud morning? I’m like huh? What the hell is gud morning? Is somebody slow? We are adults! Who texts this way? I continued to receive a bunch of elementary-ish texts. I actually feel bad by even insulting elementary kids by stating this. They aren’t even that bad. Ok, I’m done with my rant.
Eventually we schedule to meet up on Saturday of that week. I’m thinking I’ll deal with the smoke breath and try to get it in. Saturday is here and I call her to see what time she wants me to pick her up but she never answered. So, I decided to make other plans. She texted me the day after saying she fell asleep (WHATEVER!) and we made plans to meet up again on the following Saturday.
It’s the main event….We finally go out. I take her to a bar/restaurant and she is pretty quiet until we have a few drinks (just one more sip!). She stated that she’s not looking for the title of a boyfriend, but she’s looking for a friend to chill with (YES!!!), but she does want to get married (o_0). So I’m thinking to myself that this chick has to be a roller (slang for girl who has a lot of sex) or she just is not bright…Either way my likelihood of getting it on just skyrocketed (so I thought)!
We moved on to the next topic, sex (JACKPOT!). She said that before “I have sex with somebody I want to see their papers”. I said “what papers?” She said “their papers that inform you if they have a STD or not.” I said “are you serious?” I thought that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard a girl seriously say to me (especially since I didn’t have any damn papers). First of all, even if one had “papers” a dude can have sex with somebody the day after and get something, so what does that really prove? I can get my papers a like a week from now and could be banging like 3 chicks that week. I told her that she could not be serious, but she was. At that time, my mind shut down because I knew I wasn’t getting any. So, I paid the bill, took her home, and tried my hand one last time by kissing her (yes I kissed the smoker) as I pulled up to her place, but she brought up the papers thing again (SH*T!). Ah well! I tried.
Signed,
Mr. No Papers
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