Parking Lot Pimp

So I was scheduled to go on a business trip in Philly. Since I had already planned to be in town a few days prior for Greek Fest, I opted not to ride with my coworker.

Anyway, I arrived at the conference center to meet up with my coworker to setup our booth since we were one of the exhibitors. After setup, the plan was for me to check in at the hotel and then meet my coworker at the banquet hall for the networking dinner for exhibitors.

As I was leaving the conference center and making my way to my car, I noticed a rather dorky man in my peripheral walking toward me. He explained that he wasn’t sure if he was in the right location and that he was looking for the conference center. I thought he was joking, so I played along and let him know that, unfortunately, he was in the wrong place and pointed out that the 8 signs in the parking lot as well as on the building behind me that said CONFERENCE CENTER could only mean that the conference center was not at all close. Lol! He laughed and apologized for his oversight. We then chatted briefly about the conference (he was also an exhibitor) and the networking dinner. I pointed to the hotel which was literally across the road so that he wouldn’t become lost and went on my merry way.

I arrived at the networking dinner and it was absolutely packed. I was one of the few women at this event and the only black person, so I felt a little out of place mainly because I knew in my heart of hearts that the food was probably going to be extremely bland and/or downright terrible. [Stereotype…yes I know!]

Anyway, I made my way to the table to sit with my coworker and this guy didn’t even save me a seat. [Thanks a lot A$$hole! I thought we discussed that we were going to dine together…you know…as a team! *insert eye roll*] I walked around to peruse the buffet and the food looked just as bad as it smelled. There was some mystery meat that looked like a cross between roadkill, scrapple, and sh*t that they tried to pass off as Philly cheesesteak, accompanied by all white potato salad, all white mac-n-cheese, and boiled hot dogs. [who picked this awful menu?]

I made my way to the exit because I was not going to eat any of that sh*t and I was rather perturbed that my coworker left me hanging.  I heard someone say my name from afar and, of course, it was Mr. Parking Lot Guy. He asked me why I was leaving and I told him that my asshole of a coworker left me hanging and that I preferred to eat something that was not going to have me on the toilet all night different. He suggested that I check out the restaurant down the hall and offered to show me where it was. [Fine with me]

Although he had already eaten the slop at the networking dinner, he sat with me at the restaurant as to not leave me “hanging” like my coworker. [How nice!] We talked about our respective companies [well employers] and the products/services we were showcasing at the conference. The conversation quickly took an abrupt turn:

Him: I know I asked a really dumb question earlier today and, the truth is, I wasn’t lost. I just needed something to say so that I could talk to you.

Me: Ummmm ok uhhh……

Him: I find you very attractive and I just couldn’t let the moment pass. I’ve always been extremely attracted to black women.

[Long Pause]

Me: Thanks. I don’t really know how to respond to that. [I thought this conversation was going to be about work.]

Him: When I was 19, I was with a black woman and it was the best sexual experience of my life. She taught this white boy so many things.

Me: Ummmmm…yeah…ok. This conversation just got very inappropriate. See the thing is, you’re married and I didn’t come here for this. I really don’t know what you were expecting.

Him: Well yeah, I know I’m married, but you see, she’s older…a lot older (15 years)….and she doesn’t really care to have sex anymore.

Me: It sounds like the two of you need to invest in professional help.

Him: Some people are just set in their ways. I’ve been thinking about you since we met and I’d love to make love to you. Maybe I could just please you. I know you’re not from around here, so I could pay for you to come out here and I can show you everything I’ve learned.

Me: What am I…a prostitute now? You have really lost your mind. I can’t help you.

This date conversation is OVER!

I was absolutely floored and could not believe what just happened.  It was as if I had some sort of out-of-body experience because I sat there in shock. I came to the conference to work and not sell some ass.

“Did this dude just proposition me for sex?”

“Did he really think that I was going to go along with any of this?”

“Has he looked in the mirror? He’s not even cute!”

“I need you to be Paul Walker or Bradley Cooper fine if you’re going to approach me with some sh*t like that”

“Why on earth would I go on a road trip for some average, white penis? Come on now, you’re 5’6, dorky, and white…I know you’re not packing down there!” [Based on zero fact and 100% stereotype.]

“Oh and by the way, YOU’RE MARRIED!!!!”

“And since you love black women so much, why didn’t you marry one?” 

I quickly finished my meal and got the hell away from the Parking Lot Pimp. I went to my room [alone] to lie down because I was too through with it all.

What is wrong with people?

Sincerely,

Spare Me Your Pink P*nis

How would you have handled the situation? Would you have bothered to entertain the conversation? Would you have taken the bait or thrown a drink in his face?

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