Shut Up

So I was giving my mom’s friend a ride and he said to me “How come you’re not married? You should be married by now.” I couldn’t help but feel rather annoyed because I’m so sick of having this conversation with people and I was even more pissed that he, of all people, was giving me the third degree. Why? Because he’s NOT even married!

As a woman WELL over the age of 25, I understand that people are curious about my relationship and parental status…I mean I have a blog and radio show about dating and relationships for crying out loud (www.thisdateisover.com), so I get it…but what I don’t get is the constant badgering.

“Oh my god! What’s wrong with you? You’re too pretty to be single. When are you going to have a baby already? You’re never gonna get married! You’re not getting any younger you know! What’s wrong with you? What are you waiting for? Don’t you want to get married? You better hurry up before your eggs stop working! We have to find you a husband! Maybe you should start dating less attractive men so that you can get married. Maybe your standards are too high. Don’t you want kids? You don’t have to be married to have kids you know. What’s wrong with you?????”

I tend to have very thick skin; however, the unnecessary and incessant reminders from people with regard to my lack of marriage or children can be rather taxing and besides, I don’t need that negative energy creeping into my daily thoughts. [HELLO!] With the exception of Mondays, I tend to wake up in a fairly good mood. I don’t climb out of the bed thinking “what is my sorry, single, childless self gonna do today?”

Yes, I’m single…I’m well aware of that fact, but my life is pretty damn good. It’s far from perfect, but I am indeed blessed. Of course, I’d love to have someone to share my life with, but, obviously, it’s not my time. I understand that we were not put on this earth to be alone, but who says that marriage is the end all be all and why is there this notion that a person hasn’t arrived until they’ve gotten married, especially when the divorce rates are skyrocketing? I’m not against marriage or love. In fact, I LOVE love, but I’m in no rush to walk down the aisle.

So for everyone with questions about my love life and reproductive system, perhaps I’m not ready for the responsibility of a relationship. Perhaps I was previously in an abusive relationship and haven’t gotten over those scars. Perhaps I want to do it “right” and I’m taking my time. Perhaps I like to come and go as I please without having to check in with anyone. Perhaps the man that I love doesn’t love me back or I don’t love the man who loves me. Perhaps I really suck at relationships. Perhaps I didn’t witness loving or healthy relationships growing up. Perhaps I was surrounded by unhappy marriages. Perhaps I witnessed a lot of infidelity. Perhaps I’m not at a place in my life that I feel comfortable bringing someone in. Perhaps I’m not ready to be vulnerable. Perhaps I like to have sex regularly and perhaps, from what I’m hearing, a lot of married folks aren’t doing the do. [LOL] Perhaps I don’t want to be a parent. Perhaps I am not ready to give up sushi or alcohol and am deathly afraid of getting fat(ter). Perhaps I’m too selfish to be a mother. Perhaps I don’t want to be that woman who becomes so engulfed with her children’s lives that she neglects her spouse. Perhaps I’m afraid because I’ve seen relationships hit rock bottom once children were added to the equation. Perhaps I had a miscarriage and the pain of conceiving another child is just too painful. Perhaps I have a condition that renders me unable to have children.

Whatever my reasons for not being married or not having children may be, they are MY reasons and, newsflash, this is MY life and I do reckon that it is MY choice to live it as I see fit.

For those of you who are married or in a relationship, have kids, etc., do your single friends a favor and show a little more respect. Don’t hold your relationship and/or parental status over our heads in an attempt to make yourself feel better or put us down as if our lives are any less valuable. And for heavens sakes, please stop reminding us women of our biological clocks. Instead, count your blessings and be grateful for what you have.

If you want to know how to help your single friends, it’s pretty simple. Don’t try to hook us up (unless the prospect is really really attractive and you’ve asked our permission first), avoid the lectures and insensitive remarks, and follow this very easy step: SHUT UP! I repeat, SHUT UP! Take your left or right hand, firmly place it over your mouth, and say nothing. Ahhhhhh…I can just hear the silence! Thanks for your understanding and cooperation!