So I had been doing the online dating thing for a while which made me kind of hip to some of the deceptive things that a lot of men do with their pictures and profile information. As I was perusing this guy’s profile trying to determine if I should swipe left or right, I decided “what the heck?” and swiped right. He was attractive and cleaned up nicely according to his picture. However, he only had ONE picture [RED FLAG #1] and his mouth was closed [RED Flag #2] which made me concerned that he might have a yuckmouth.
He swiped right too, so that opened the door for us to start chatting back and forth. We chatted for a little bit and then he gave me his number so that we could speak on the phone. He seemed cool, but I made certain that I shared my fear as it related to his profile.
Me: You looked really nice in your picture. I loved that suit.
Him: Yeah, that was at my homeboy’s wedding a couple of months ago.
Me: Nice! Well, I must admit that I was a little apprehensive to swipe right.
Me: Because a lot of guys who don’t smile in their profile pictures tend to have bad teeth.
Him: [laughs] Nah, my teeth are cool. I just don’t smile in pictures.
I suggested that we video chat to make certain there was no catfish action going on on either of our parts. In the event that he was extremely unattractive, I figured that was the best thing to do so that I wouldn’t waste my time meeting him in person and also so that he wouldn’t feel slighted in the event that he didn’t find me attractive [which wasn’t going to happen because I’m cute as sh**….according to my parents at least. lol]
The video chat began and boy oh boy was I UNpleasantly suprised! Not only did this dude have an overbite with a gap and talked with a lisp, he looked like an Amish caveman with a grizzly bear. A hot a$$ mess!
This Date Is OVER!
His lispy gap wasn’t the biggest problem, as I was mostly bothered by his overall appearance. He looked scruffy and my face just couldn’t hide my disappointment. I tried to address the situation in the most polite way that I could think of, which probably wasn’t very polite at all, by asking him if he was having a rough day, sort of. [lol]
Me: So what’s going on with your hair?
Him: Nothing much. I wasn’t really expecting us to video chat so soon, so I wasn’t all that ready.
Me: Soooooo when was the last time you actually went to the barbershop?
Him: Umm probably not since my man’s wedding in April.
Me: April? APRIL? But it’s JUNE! You mean to tell me you haven’t had a haircut in two months and you’re cool with that?
Him: I don’t really go anywhere, but work, so I don’t really go to the barbershop because nobody sees me.
Me: [Facepalm] YOUR COWORKERS SEE YOU THOUGH!
~ LONG PAUSE~
This is already starting off on the wrong foot because if regular grooming is not a part of your repertoire, who knows what other hygiene habits you disregard. [Under my breath] this not gonna work for me.
Him: I guess I should probably go to the barbershop sometime soon.
Me: [Ya think!!!] That’s probably a great idea.
He then proceeded to brush his grizzly beard and hair during the video chat as if that was really helpful. [Boy STOP!] I ended the call and went on with my evening. We never spoke after that and I was completely unbothered.
Maybe I’m too set in my ways or simply don’t give a f***, but I don’t have the patience to deal with a dude with who doesn’t believe in regular hygiene/maintenance. Where they do that at?
The Barbershop Is Your Friend
How would you have handled this situation? Would you have continued to get to know him in spite of his less than desirable appearance? Would you go on any dates with him? Was she too shallow?
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