So I was headed to a superbowl party hosted by a group of fraternity brothers. A few days before the party, I got a call from a guy (let’s call him Lew Zer) that I had been out with a couple of months prior and he informed me that he’d also be at the superbowl party. Nothing happened between the two of us besides dinner because. Lew Zer blew me off for our second date and I stopped calling him after that.

Because I overslept, I arrived to the superbowl party right before half-time and once I got into the house, it was absolutely packed with people. I made my rounds to say hello to everyone and went downstairs to see if there were some additional seats. I saw Lew Zer from across the room and walked over to say hello, but before I could get over to him, he started SCREAMING at some guy and made a huge scene by saying “MOTHER F***ER DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???!!!!” to the guy. [AWKWARD]

So, I made a quick about-face and went back upstairs.

I grabbed my jacket because I was preparing to leave. Why? Because they ran out of food at the superbowl party. [Aint that some sh**! but I guess it was my fault for getting there late…I guess]

Lew Zer came upstairs and said to me “Hey Andrea! Can we talk for a minute outside?” We went to the front porch and the conversation went like this:

Lew Zer: Why didn’t you speak to me downstairs?

Me: Because you were arguing with some guy and I didn’t want to get caught up in that crossfire. Why didn’t you speak to me?

Lew Zer: Well I didn’t see you.

Me: Hold up….So how did you know I was downstairs if you didn’t see me? Get your story together.

—-insert silence & blank stare—-

Lew Zer: Well why haven’t I seen you since our last date?

Me: Because you blew me off for our second date. I told you I’d probably be available in a couple of weeks, but you had a bit of a ‘tude about that.

Lew Zer: Why should I have to wait a couple of weeks though?

Me: Because once a person blows me off, they don’t get first dibs at my calendar. I don’t take kindly to being blown off.

Lew Zer: Well I’m sorry….Can you be real with me though because I really like you and still want to get to know you. Do you feel the sam way or do you just want to be friends? Just be honest with me.

Me: Actually, I would prefer that we just be friends.

Lew Zer: MAN THAT’S SOME BULLSHIT! JUST FRIENDS! JUST FRIENDS?

Me: Sir, please check your tone and stop cursing at me. As a matter of fact, I’m leaving.

Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t leave right away because someone’s car was blocking mine and I couldn’t locate said person. So, I went back into the house to watch the rest of the game. [#FMYLIFE!]

Would you believe that Lew Zer followed me around the house begging me to talk to him? ”Andrea, can we talk about this please? Can I just have two minutes of your time?” [insert facepalm]. The dude was just a mess and actually got into my face in an attempt to force me to talk to him [it would have been nice if the other guys in attendance would have tried to intervene to get this fool away from me, but perhaps they missed that chapter in the man-training handbook *shots fired*]. It got so bad that I had to ask some random guy at the party to sit next to me so that Lew Zer would leave me the hell alone.

You would’ve thought that we had hot butt-naked sex and rainbows shot out of my A$$ by the way he was conducting himself, but nothing of the sort happened. All we did was have dinner one time at the Cheesecake Factory…the Cheesecake Factory! Whoopty-effin-doo! We didn’t even kiss after the date.

Anyway as expected, Lew Zer called me a few days later apologizing profusely.

Lew Zer: I‘m so sorry. I’ve never been that drunk before. I don’t know what came over me.

Me: Sir, you are 37 years-old AND you’re in a fraternity. This is not your first time at the rodeo. You’ve definitely been that drunk or perhaps worse before. You are not the kind of person that I want to deal with and, besides, you strike me as the abusive type. So, I’d prefer that you no longer contact me….ever again.

This Date Is OVER!

Sincerely,

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For a Grown Ass Man Who Can’t Hold His Liquor Nor Control His Emotions and Has the Audacity To Blow Me Off For a Date…Chile please!

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