Dear family, friends, and strangers:
I am writing this message on behalf of women all over the world who do not have children, are not having more children, cannot have children, and any scenario that relates to our desire and/or ability to reproduce.
STOP asking us when we are having kids, if we want them, what we are waiting for, if we are making room for another and ALL the invasive questions and comments (usually before an audience) that for so many, are painful and damn offensive. Some of you are as comfortable walking into our reproductive journey as you are a 7-11 and we wish you would stop.
“Stop telling women that they are running out of time”
We sometimes smile on the outside, cringe on the inside and cry later because your insistence on making small talk out of something so life altering is more of a sign that you don’t care than you do. So stop asking. Stop telling women that they are running out of time and all of the awful things you say. It’s not okay. We often resist the urge to speak our truth because we don’t want to stir things up (especially with our elders and in-laws). And while we play nice, no one ever defends us.
As a woman who has children and the privilege of having no fear about anyone’s opinion of my choices, I’m asking you to love the women around you enough to allow them to decide if and when they will share their truth – whatever it may be. Ask them how they’re doing rather than “where’s the baby”. We get that you mean well and that people like babies and as true as that may be, it doesn’t make it the right timing, the right place, or your business.
I’ve had this conversation too many times; hugged too many friends; and sat quietly through too many interrogations. Some of you ask more questions than our doctors. Please take as many seats as you can; cease and desist; just stop! When in doubt, talk about the weather.
Sincerely,
Coach Shayla
Thanks Coach Shayla!
How do you field questions about your fertility? How do statements like “the clock is ticking”, “you’re running out of time”, “you better hurry up”, etc. make you feel?
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2 Comments
Valerie Robinson
I find it incredibly tacky for folks to ask when people are having children. It’s so personal. Besides, you just never know if a couple are having fertility issues or maybe they are just not ready!
Antoinette Cain
I find these sorts of questions to be extremely rude. I cringe when I hear people ask extremely personal questions such as this. Too much.
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