So I met this guy at a friend’s barbecue over the summer and we really hit it off. He was funny, outgoing, and a smooth talker. He was into literature, black culture, and a graduate of the ‘mecca’ of historically black colleges and universities. We’ll call him BS…short for wannabe Black Sophisticate.
Anyway, we were supposed to hook up a couple of weeks later to attend a concert at a popular restaurant in DC; however, I had fallen very ill and had to reschedule (bummer!). Fast forward to the following week and it’s SHOWTIME or so I thought…BS called me later that afternoon saying that he got us tickets to a WNBA game. o_0 I’m thinking to myself “Who the eff goes to a WNBA game on a date (or at all actually) especially when I told this dude that I’m not really into watching sports? And what makes him think I want to sit around and watch some dudely chicks?” However, I calmed my inner-self down and took one for the team met him at the game.
While at the game, BS’s demeanor wasn’t as pleasant as usual, as he started to make snide remarks to me and went out of his way to inform me over and over again that he went to THEE mecca of black universities (gag me with a spoon already). He then asked me what I cooked for dinner (which I thought was a very weird question) and I informed him that I didn’t have time to cook anything prior to the game and that I was actually very hungry. (Hint hint: GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT FOOL!)
Long story more boring, I found myself growing agitated with BS for not parting his lips to offer to get me something to eat and decided to grab a bite at half-time. BS came with me to the concession stand as I placed my order, but then walked away when I got to the cashier (MOTHER F$%^ER!). He then returned once I paid for my food and said “Let me do my gentlemanly duties and carry that tray for you.” (GTFOH! Gentlemanly duties? You have got to be kidding me! A real gentleman would’ve gotten me something to eat @$$hole!)
Anyway, we’re back at our seats for the second half and I’m shaking my head in disbelief trying to figure out how didn’t I get the vibe early on that this guy was a loser because it dawned on me that he had actually gotten our tickets to the game for free since BS worked at a popular radio station. To make matters worse, I glanced down at his shoes and saw that they were run the hell over beat up. (Dating 101: Runover shoes are a HUGE no-no)
At that moment, I began to pray “God please give me a sign so that I can get the heck out of here”…And He was so on time! As soon as I said that prayer, I looked over at BS, who was slightly turned away from me, and saw that he was texting someone. Once he turned towards me, that’s when I saw the texts (he didn’t know that I could see them). Would you believe that this jack@$$ guy was badmouthing me to his friend who also happened to be in the arena? The messages were as follows:
BS: I’m at the game with this light bright hoe. She’s 30 years old with no man.
BS’s Friend: She has on too much lipstick
BS: You can see her big @$$ lips from all the way over there?
At that point I became PISSED (because my lips are BEAUTIFUL, soft and luscious) and felt my blood beginning to boil. I envisioned dropping my food on BS accidentally on purpose, throwing a drink in his face, and etc.; however, a sense of calmness soon came over me. So what did I do? I said to BS “hey I have to run to the bathroom” and left him at the game. About 30 minutes later, I received a barrage of texts and calls from BS asking if I was okay, which I completely ignored.
So if you’re reading this BS, EFF YOU, get some new shoes, and don’t ask a woman out if you’re not going to feed her. Also, if you didn’t like me, you should’ve told me instead of asking me out. I’m a big girl and can handle rejection. Why waste both of our time?
Signed,
I Aint No Hoe!
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