So, I was driving home one day after work and traffic was heavier than usual due to construction. While stopped, I noticed that one of the construction workers was fine as all hell. A gorgeous piece of Mexican man candy! He made eyes at me, I made eyes at him, and then BAM, I [yes me, shy me!] asked the guy for his number AND he gave it to me. [Wow!!!!!!!] I just couldn’t believe it. [Did this fine ass dude really give me his number? Am I dreaming?]
Well, we talked briefly a couple of times and decided to go on a movie date. We went to the movie theatre and no less than 15 minutes in, this dude tried to kiss me. [Whoa now. Calm down Papi Chulo!] I turned my head and slightly moved away from him so that he could see that I wasn’t ready for all of that. [Yes, I was attracted to him. We just weren’t there yet to be swapping saliva.] I thought he would’ve taken the hint and stopped trying, but NOPE! This guy, a grown ass man, started whining. WHINING!
Him: Come on mami! Mami, dame un besito. Dame un besito sexy mami!
Me: Shhhhh! Will you please stop it? I’m not kissing you.
Him: Mami, please?
Me: No. I’m trying to watch the movie. Please stop.
This guy was exhausting. He went from begging for a kiss to attempting to rub on me and I was through with his antics. I clinched my teeth together like a mother preparing to scold her children, put my lips close to his ear and said “STOP!” I should’ve gotten up and left, but for some odd reason, I decided to finish the movie. [It must’ve been a good movie or something. Who knows?] Fortunately, he calmed the hell down as time went on.
[Update: this was before Netflix, Firesticks, Hulu, and other movie streaming services existed]
Because I was so annoyed, the plan was for me to get up and leave as soon as the movie ended and let him watch my fine a$$ sashay out of his view. So, I plotted my escape.
The movie ended and I was on the good foot. I made a fast break away from dude and thought I was in the clear, but NOPE! As my luck would have it, there was some construction going on at the movie theatre and I tripped real REAL hard because I didn’t see the caution sign nor did I notice that some of the floor had been removed. [Ay dios mio!]
So I had to deal with Pepe Le Pew and his incessant begging for a kiss during the movie to embarrassing the hell out of myself by slipping and damn near falling due to a botched escape only to go home with a sprained ankle. The one good thing that my date did was catch so that I didn’t fall.
This date is OVER!