So I was headed to a Super Bowl party hosted by a group of fraternity brothers. A few days before the party, I got a call from a guy (let’s call him Lew Zer) that I had been out with a couple of months prior and he informed me that he’d also be at the Super Bowl party. Nothing happened between the two of us besides dinner because. Lew Zer blew me off for our second date and I stopped calling him after that. Because I overslept, I arrived to the Super Bowl party right before half-time and once I got into the house, it was absolutely packed with people.…
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Petty Moment
So I was at a barbecue at my cousin’s house when a friend of hers, let’s call her Vicky, arrived with this cutie patootie baby boy who was about 6 months old. The baby was a little fussy and Vicky was having a hard time putting him to sleep. My cousin joked that since I had the biggest boobs in the bunch, I should try to put the baby to sleep. Vicky handed me the baby, I held the him against my bosom and just like that, he went to sleep. [What can I say? They’re real and they’re spectacular!] As a joke, I posted a picture of me holding the baby on Facebook with…
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Drunk Dating
So I was drunk at a birthday party in NYC and this girl kept telling me how awesome her friend was…making him sound like such a good guy. You know, a “great on paper dude”….great job, smart and I don’t know…I was drunk. He showed up much later and in a bit of drunken desperation, Drunk Self (I) threw myself at him and we became friends. Drunk self, managed to give him ALL of my information: cell, home, FB, email, everything [Damn her!!]. The next morning he came back to the city and I really saw him. He was short and round. He’s Samwise. The Hobbit. [This Mother F***er is a…
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Horror Story
So I was working at a law firm and made a trip downstairs to the convenience store located beneath the building. While there, I happened to lock eyes with an attractive, tall, dreadlocked man who was suited and booted for what appeared to be his day at the office. He approached, we exchanged numbers, and he asked me for dinner and drinks the following day. He seemed cool, but I wanted to be safe, so I chose a popular restaurant for us to meet where there would people that I knew. The day of our date, I washed my hair, straightened it, and put on this cream-colored sweater dress that complimented my assets….I was…
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The Spitter
So I reconnected with a woman I met previously at a non-profit event via social media [Thank God for Facebook…Well in this case, I believe Satan was involved with this woman]. We began talking on the phone and, since everything seemed fine, I invited her on a museum date. Now I’m all for jokes and I absolutely love to laugh, but I know better than to be loud and obnoxious in a museum. This woman, let’s call her The Spitter, was so loud and ignorant in the museum [think loud speaker announcements in grade school] making all types of inappropriate jokes and comments. Needless to say, I was happy when…
